


ᔕTOᖇIEᔕ ᖴᖇOᗰ ᖴᗩᒪᒪEᑎ ᔕTᗩᖇᔕ

by P1nkintheNi9ht



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: #gregdeservesbetter2k20, Alternate Universe, Amethyst has issues, Angst, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Non-Chronological, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Unrequited Love, and a therapist, bismuth and lapis are super gay for each other, bismuth is done with rose's shit, dark!pearl, fusion gems, garnet: co-leader of the off colours, lapis hates small spaces, pearl dun got snatched and is pissed her girlfriend didn't save her, peridot gets the barn to herself, pink dun messed up, pink escaped white's mind control, pink pearl loves pearl she's just very worried, rose quartz isn't a great person, she not the worst tho, so dose everyone else, spinel is sad and it hurts, the diamond's can't parent, the gems need a hug, this is mostly angst tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:34:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23393350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/P1nkintheNi9ht/pseuds/P1nkintheNi9ht
Summary: 𝘖𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘙𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘙𝘰𝘴𝘦.𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴.𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮. 𝘕𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥, 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘭𝘺, 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮.𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦.A collection of one shots, all based around the same au.
Relationships: Bismuth/Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Pearl/Pink Diamond's Pearl (Steven Universe), Pearl/Rose Quartz (Past), Rose Quartz/Greg Universe, Ruby/Sapphire (Steven Universe), Spinel/Pink Diamond (past), Spinel/Rose Quartz (past)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	1. 【Ｉｆｆｙ】

Lapis was always iffy when it came to fusion.

Don't get her wrong- she loved Bismuth, and loved being fused with her- but some days she just... couldn't.

She hated those days. Those days were the ones where she felt weak, where she felt like she was trapped in that mirror still.

Like she was a prisoner. 

She hated feeling like that. 

She hated her weakness. 

She was _a crystal gem!_ She _rebelled against homeworld!_ She worked along side _the great Rose Quartz!_ She was someone who wasn't scared of a little bit of fusion.

But she was. 

She was scared of it some days.

And thats where bismuth comes in. She understands- in some weird, comforting way. She doesn't push her, belittle her or pity her- she lets her be. If she wants to be fused for a day or more, she lets her. 

She understands.

Lapis was always iffy about fusion. But with bismuth, she was ok with it like that.


	2. 【Ｓｉｌｅｎｃｅ】

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel gets angsty.

Spinel had always hated silence. 

She did't really know when or how it started, but she hated it. 

Maybe it was due to her time alone in the garden, standing still, waiting and watching, hoping for Pink to come back, all the while in the darkness of the space garden she had resided in. 

Or maybe it had started even before that, when Pink came to the garden only to sit on it steps, not moving, not smiling, only looking at her feet. 

She never liked when she was sad, and when she was quit she was usually sad, so maybe thats where it came from, her great dislike for quietness.

But then there was other ideas, other places it could of come from. Like when she went out to hunt for corrupt gems, or when Steven was asleep and she had nothing to do except wait.

Or when Rose died and everyone stopped talking for weeks, not talking to anyone, not even to each other, just wandering around for days in endless silence, morning Rose.

She had hated those weeks.

But she didn't know where it came from. Never had and, most likely, never would find out where they came from. 

All she knew was she really hated silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally not self-projecting.


	3. 【Ｓｅｃｒｅｔｓ】

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose really needs to start being honest.

Everyone had secrets, that was a given in life. 

Lapis had some, Spinel had a few (although those usually involved where she hid her candy, or what she wanted to do for Steven's birthday), Amethyst and Steven had them (mostly pranks they were going to pull), Greg defiantly had some, the people of Beach City had em, even she, Bismuth herself, had them. It was a normal thing. 

But the secrets they held, the crystal gems, the towns people, Greg, they were small. Unharmful. 

Rose's weren't.

They hurt people. A lot of people. People that Bismuth cared about.

She knew that she had to keep somethings secret- she was a rebel leader, that was bound to happen- but somethings, things like Pearl's disappearance, or that she had a pet lion she had brought back to life, or that she was actually one of... _them_ , the enemy, the authority. 

Thoses thing were important. Things her friends, her family, _her son,_ should know. 

And yeah, she knew them, Rose had told her those secrets herself, had made her help her in some of them, but Bismuth couldn't say anything about them. Not when every time she tries, her mouth stops working and she feels like she's about to be poofed by her own words.

Everyone had secrets, even Bismuth.

But some hurt a lot more than others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst is good and so is Bismuth.


	4. 【Ｄｅｎｓｅ】

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when love turns into worship?

Amethyst loved Spinel, loved her like humans love their friends, but it wouldn't be wrong that Spinel was a little dense when it came to Rose.

Spinel worshiped Rose, would probably let herself be shattered for her given the opportunity. And that was fine, if a little concerning, but it's also where the problems start. 

Because, while Rose was great, she wasn't some God. She was Rose! Leader of the rebellion, protector of earth, her friend!   
She did normal thing like going to the beach to look for sea glass, or spending time with her!

But to Spinel, it was like rose the sun. Like she was the the sky and the earth and everything on it. Like she was space and the stars and planets that were up there. Like she was everything. 

And it didn't stop there, the devotion was only the start. 

No one could say anything bad about her, not even Bismuth, without her trying to defend her. Amethyst knew Rose wasn't perfect, Bismuth had told her and Steven that more than once, but to Spinel, it was like she had never done anything wrong.

But hey? Who cares if Spinel loves Rose that much, Amethyst and the gang thought the same, to some extent.

But it's one thing to think highly of someone, and another to to push those thoughts onto her 11 year old son.

Because as much as he isn't Rose, Steven wished he was. And it concerned Amethyst, because she knows exactly what its like to feel like that, to feel like she had to be better while at the same time condemn what she is. The product of a war.

So yeah, she loved Spinel.

But Amethyst would be lying if she said that Spinel wasn't dense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look! MORE ANGST!


	5. 【Ｇｅｍ　Ｓｔｕｆｆ】

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg suffers from big worry.

Greg had always been on the fence when it came to 'gem stuff'.

He knew the gems could take care of themselves, he had seen that with rose more than once.

But he still worried. I mean, you would too if your son was taken on potentially life threatening adventures.

But he didn't just worry about Steven. He worried about the gems too.

He liked them. They were his friends, his family. After Rose died, they were there for both him and Steven.

They helped him with the van when it broke down, came to see him at the car wash, they even let him stay when he had broke his leg.

The idea of one them getting hurt, or Steven being hurt, it nearly made him have a heart attack.

He just, he couldn't lose another person he cared about, not after Rose.

Greg would probably always be on the fence about 'gem stuff'. He could only hope noting went wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all thought I'd stop with the angst? Nah bru.


	6. 【Ｕｎｗｏｒｔｈｙ】

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perfect hurts.

Charoite was a strong gem, or so she was told by Rose. She was taller than both Amethyst and Spinel combined, and she could do more than them.

She could summon water, could turn her hands into a weapon, could make any kind of metal into a weapon or armor, she could even fly. She was hard to catch , and even harder to poof.

She was, in the eyes of both Spinel and Amethyst, a perfect leader and a perfect gem.

But, in all honesty, Charoite didn't feel like it.

Yeah, her components were powerful, and yeah, they loved each other more than anything, but there was still something there. Some underling thing that stopped them, made them vulnerable, and, by association, her vulnerable too.

Maybe it was the fear of entrapment , or maybe it was the things that weren't talked about, that couldn't be talked about.

Charoite didn't know. All that she did know was, when ever anyone said she was perfect, felt unworthy.

And feeling unworthy was the worst thing to feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now introducing: Charoite, The Bismuth/Lapis fusion!
> 
> I had to google a gem for them so here the definition I found. 
> 
> Beadage definition of Charoite:  
> Charoite  
> Charoite helps the wearer have a wider perspective on life, seeing the day to day events within a larger pattern of the Universe unfolding. This leads to a sense of peace and the wisdom to discern the best use of one’s energy. It also means becoming aware of synchronicities which allow your life to have a sense of flow and magic.


	7. 【Ｒｉｂｂｏｎ　Ｗａｎｄ】

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two broken gems met.

Pale pink finger scrape against rock covered walls. Tired eyes- one broken like a china plate- stare blackly, unseeing, unmoving. Feet move limply, missing a step once or twice. curled hair that was once styled into two immaculate buns were now frayed, messy and unkempt. 

The once pristine gem walked like they were in a dream, like they didn't exist and instead was a ghost, floating aimlessly, no place to go. 

Stopping slowly, a thought crossed her mind.

A thought of laughter, of soft hands and happy smile, of pink covered walls and sweet smelling flowers. Of home. 

It hits her like a blow to the face, and them she's crumbling, voice broken and eye blind with tears. The pain she was feeling hurt her, eat at her insides and clawed her until she was hollow.

She screams, and the walls scream back at her, it voice sounding the same.

She leans against the wall, her skin scraping the wall as her weight is applied to both that and her knees. Her hands have moved, now placed on her stomach. Her nails dig at her gem, clawing and scratch at it, an in vain way of holding on to her self. 

Then theres a noise, a clicking against the rough floor, and she's up again, moving as fast as she can, hands clinging to the wall as a way of lifting her self quicker. She prepares to run, to get away as fast as she can, until she sees _her_.

Moving closer, out of the green fog, comes another gem.

She looks like her, with her pointed nose and oval shaped gem, yet she's different, somehow. Darker. 

Her clothes cling to her, a body suit with puffed selves. Around her waist is a is a bow, it neatly tied. Her fingers are sharp, more claws than anything else. Her legs are clad in boots, it's body hugging hers as a way of staying in place. Her gem, placed in her forehead, is pitch black, like it had been stained on the side it faced. Her face was unreadable, it set in a mutual sate. 

She stops. Shes an arms length away, as if try to keep distant.

Slowly, her hand moves up, up towards her gem.

She flinches, covering her head, waiting for the blow of a mallet or the slice of a sword.

But nothing happens.

She lifts her head, and her heart stops.

Seated in the gem's out stretched palm, a gold ribbon wand stares back at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst is the only thing I know how to make, apparently.


	8. 【Ｌｏｖｅｄ】

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl has a crush, pass it on.

Pearl didn't love people.

It not that she couldn't- she knew very well that she could- she just... didn't want to.

It made her vulnerable. It made her feel soft and delicate and lovable. And she was not lovable. Not anymore.

she was a renegade.

A defect, a off-color, a monster.

Monsters can't love or be loved.

And pearl was defiantly a monster.

So why did Pink make her feel like this? like she could be loved?

She wasn't even sure why Pink made her feel like this. So what if her smile made her heart melt ? And so what if she thought pink's laugh was the sweets thing she's ever heard? It didn't mean anything, right?

_Right?_

But it doesn't stop there.

No, it only gets worse, because everything Pink did for her, weather it was significant or not, caused Pearl to feel like she was on cloud 9.

She had tried to ignore it, she even thought of proofing Pink and leaving her somewhere, but the thought of getting rid of her made Pearl hurt, made her ache like she had punched in the gut. 

Pearl couldn't be loved - she was too broken for that.

But, when she was with Pink by her side, she felt like maybe, just maybe, she could let herself love. If only a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pink = Pink Pearl (Incase it got confusing)


	9. 【Ｎｉｇｈｔｍａｒｅｓ】

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares are the worst.

Long, thin fingers drum quietly against the counter-top.

Lapis tries to be calm, to not worry so much and breath, but it's easier to tell herself that instead of doing it.

She stares at the top of the stairs, Steven's bed just out of sight. She should be in her room, winding down after a long day of finding and capturing corrupt gems, but she knows that if she's not there ** _it_** will wake Steven up.

She needs to be there for him.

It's not the first time shes sat there. She doesn't really remember when it started, she knows he was very young, maybe 5 or 6, when he started to see it.

She remembers Steven drawing what it was once. She hated looking at it, hated thinking about it, but she still sometimes thinks about the picture, it being shoved into the draw closes to the sink. She still wonders how the paper didn't rip with how fast and how rough she pushed it in to the drawer. 

She knew that her and the others had helped make it. The stories they told about the war weren't nice, but they thought it wouled be good for him to know. It made her feel terrible, she didn't want to hurt him, but she did, and now he has to live with that thing in his dreams.

God, it wouldn't even be as bad if didn't look like ** _her_**. The fact that he dreams about that monsters, that tyrant, as some disfigured beast that could eat him, it made her remember things, things from the war, things she activity didn't want to think about.

Suddenly, theses a ruffle of sheets, and Lapis is up, ready to see him and make sure he's ok. But, after a few seconds, theres nothing, and Lapis realizes that Steven most likely just rolled over.

Sitting back down, her minds diffs back to the first night she had been there for him. She still reamers that scream, one that, if she did have blood, wouled of made it go cold.

He cried so much, more than when he was littler, and he cried about snakes not having arms.

After the first night, seeing Steven so scared, she decided that she had to stay up, to stay with him, if only to not have him like that. 

She stars to move her fingers again, the tap-tap taping of her nails making a steady rhythm against the wooden top.

As long as she was there Steven was safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How in sweet hell did none of the stories the gems told Steven give him nightmares? Like, the war was pretty bleak, and Steven was a very sensitive child.  
> Anyway, I wanted to right about Steven picturing Pink Diamond as a monster. I think I did ok? IDK.
> 
> Also, we having Lapis-Emo-Sad-Hours.


	10. 【Ｈｉｂｉｓｃｕｓ　Ｔｅａ】

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drinking tea can be good for you!  
> Most of the time.

Spinel, over the years, had got an odd attachment to tea.

It wasn't because it tasted good, she doesn't have taste buds for that to be the reason. It was mostly because it felt good to drink, brought her this strange warm feeling when she drank it.

It was almost a sentimental thing to her as well, as Rose was the first person to introduced her to it, seeing that she liked it and wanted to shear her new love for the earth drink.

She remembered it was Hibiscus that was sweetened, it was funny feeling it go down the first time, but nice, and Rose seemed happy to see her enjoying it, so it was fine.

It actually became a pass time after that, a tradition, that when they weren't looking for corrupt gems, or when Rose was with Greg, they wouled gets some tea and drink it together. Just her and Rose.

However, it had to change, after a while, due to Rose... _leaving_ , she's had to do the tradition on her own.

All alone.

She had asked the others to join from time to time, but it never really felt right (Amethyst wouled always eat the cups after she finished).

But that was fine, she didn't mind, she was a-okay on her own!

(She wasn't. But it's easier to pretend, she didn't want to worry Lapis or Bismuth. Pretending stopped them from having to deal with her.)

Currently, she was sat facing the kitchen's island, her back parallel to the sitting room's coffee table.

The clinking of a spoon on ceramic can be heard, along the soft crashing of the oceans' waves, its sound muffled by the old wooden wall around her.

She stared at the cups contents, misty eyes watch the red liquid swirl around, a small whirlpool twirling around in fluid circles. The tea spoon is a stark contrast to the hibiscus. A muted, shiny slivers in bedded in a bright, crimson.

Removing the spoon from the cup, Spinel gently placed it on the counter, it's metal surface making a small 'clang' against the hard-wood.

She picks the cup up, placings it to her lips and feeling the hot liquid go down. A sigh makes it's way up and out of her throat, the warmth felt going down bringing some comfort to her.

Placing the cup back down, she takes time to feel the tea settle in her, warming her un-organic body. It wouldn't last, she knows that, but it's a good feeling and she wants to savor it.

She really should find better ways to cope, tea isn't a substitute for actual help, but she can't bring herself to ask. She's already enough trouble, what with her shenanigans costing them a lot of the time. She really didn't want to be more of a bother. 

She wanted to keep her friends, not drive them away with all her problems. 

In all honesty, she liked the idea of tea better any way. It made her feel _real_ , as trivial as that sounded. 

She was alive, she could move and talk and feel things, but it didn't mean she was living. 

After years of doing nothing, being alive had lost most of it's feeling, if that made any sense.

Drinking tea, feeling something pleasant and heated, it made her have something that reminded her of a time before she felt so lonely, before she became redundant, before Greg, before death, _before Steven-_

She can feel cold, salted water on her cheeks, and wills herself to stop.

Taking the cup handle, Spinel decides she should try a different tea from now on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can't tell me there isn't a gem that hasn't felt at least a little existential.  
> Also, this based of the song 'Sweet Hibiscus Tea'. It's a good song and I recommend it.


	11. 【Ｐｏｒｔｒａｉｔ】

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose’s picture has so much potential and I’m going to write about it.

From inside the beach house, the sounds of hammering could be heard.

The counter top had been broken in two, thanks to the latest corrupt gem attack.

So, instead of joining Steven and the other gems on there trip, Bismuth chose to stay and fix it.

All she had too do now was finish hammering in some nails in and she'd be done.

Hammering in a nail, her mind drifts, and her eyes start to wonder.

They rest on the picture above the door, a large painting of Rose, done a few months before she... ' _disappeared_ '.

Bismuth never had liked that picture.

Don't get her wrong, it was amazingly done, it looked stunning.

It's just... to her, it felt _wrong_ having it there.

It wouldn't of been a problem if they had put it somewhere else, anywhere else, but no, it was right above the door.

It just felt like she was still there, an imposing force, a constant reminder of what they lost and what they now have to deal with, a never ending reminder that, even with her dead, her problems, her legacy, her mistakes, are _his_ now-

A creaking noise breaks her out of her head, and Bismuth quickly turns back around to see that she hammered the nail all the way through the wood, out the other side.

_Great_.

Picking up a new bored, she realises she'll now have to pull up the entire top of the counter to fix this.

Getting to work, she gives her self a reminder to ask Lapis if they can put Rose's portrait somewhere else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still alive!  
> I’m so sorry for not posting in such a long time, I’ve lacked motivation and haven’t really had much time to myself.  
> I’m going to try and post more but I’m not making any promises.


End file.
